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risks. You and the authority you cite
can wind up looking like holy jackasses,
even to a hick, should said authority
refute himself, as when Rabbi Kushner
says it is “supreme hubris to think you
can read God’smind,” then two
paragraphs later, “The will ofGod is not
to send us the disaster but to send us
the disaster to overcome.” Actually, the
two statements are not contradictory;
they simply indicate that the speaker
must be supremely hubristic.
Hubris and snobbery are first-cousins.
And Miller is above all a theocratic snob.
Fundamentalists than I am, and it’s my
job. In the course of being a re-ligious
satirist, I describe Fundamentalists in
many, many ways, but even I stop
short of calling them or their beliefs
backward. She has raised the bar. Do I
now escalate my verbiage in response
to hers and start referring to Fund-
amentalists as boobs or nitwits? Nay, I
say! If somebody must exercise some
moral judgment, let it be Sam Singleton
Atheist Evangelist!
Miller’s declaration that theodicy
“remains the most powerful tool in the
atheist’s kit,” is itself an exercise in
hubris of the sort that presumes to
speak for the opposition. And as might
be expected, it is wrong. Theodicy falls
under the heading of reasons one
wouldn’t want to have anything to do
with God. It has nothing to do with
God’s existence. One can believe in
God and believe that he is a jerk.
Actually, I would think it nigh unto
impossible to believe in God and not
believe that he is a jerk. Especially
when you look at his people. Take Lisa
Miller, who now joins Pat Robertson in
the ranks of Theists I’m Glad I Do Not
Know.
Finally, I am ethically bound to disclose
my own self-interest. Pat Robertson is
good for the atheist evangelist
business. Go Pat go. And in her own
way, I’d like to think Lisa Miller is, too.
can wind up looking like holy jackasses,
even to a hick, should said authority
refute himself, as when Rabbi Kushner
says it is “supreme hubris to think you
can read God’smind,” then two
paragraphs later, “The will ofGod is not
to send us the disaster but to send us
the disaster to overcome.” Actually, the
two statements are not contradictory;
they simply indicate that the speaker
must be supremely hubristic.
Hubris and snobbery are first-cousins.
And Miller is above all a theocratic snob.
Fundamentalists than I am, and it’s my
job. In the course of being a re-ligious
satirist, I describe Fundamentalists in
many, many ways, but even I stop
short of calling them or their beliefs
backward. She has raised the bar. Do I
now escalate my verbiage in response
to hers and start referring to Fund-
amentalists as boobs or nitwits? Nay, I
say! If somebody must exercise some
moral judgment, let it be Sam Singleton
Atheist Evangelist!
Miller’s declaration that theodicy
“remains the most powerful tool in the
atheist’s kit,” is itself an exercise in
hubris of the sort that presumes to
speak for the opposition. And as might
be expected, it is wrong. Theodicy falls
under the heading of reasons one
wouldn’t want to have anything to do
with God. It has nothing to do with
God’s existence. One can believe in
God and believe that he is a jerk.
Actually, I would think it nigh unto
impossible to believe in God and not
believe that he is a jerk. Especially
when you look at his people. Take Lisa
Miller, who now joins Pat Robertson in
the ranks of Theists I’m Glad I Do Not
Know.
Finally, I am ethically bound to disclose
my own self-interest. Pat Robertson is
good for the atheist evangelist
business. Go Pat go. And in her own
way, I’d like to think Lisa Miller is, too.
From Page 1
The God of Lisa Miller’s “scholars” is
an inscrutable sociopath who appears
could do perverse experiments on
them.
I’ll leave for the more learned to
decide whether Miller, in asserting
that Robertson’s is a fundamentalist
view, means that anyone who holds
such a view is necessarily a Fun-
damentalist. Capitalization aside, it’s
no stretch to conclude that she’s
talking about Big-F Fundamentalists,
like Pat Robertson and his millions of
enablers.
Miller’s rhetorical approach is to take
‘em to school, show ‘em up for a
bunch of ignorant, ill-read hicks. And
the way you argue with ig-norant
hicks is to start by letting them know
that you regard them as, well,
ignorant hicks. Attitude is everything.
Once you’ve got your re-spective
roles straight, it’s time to spring a
term on them that they are probably
not familiar with— just to scare ‘em
(theodicy, for ex-ample). Then
explain it to ‘em. Even the very
backward know when they’re being
condescended to.
Having established your rung relative
to theirs in the social and intellectual
hierarchy, summon forth the great
thinkers on the subject at hand; the
gist being, absent a thorough
grounding in “centuries of theological
discourse on suffering by thinkers
from Augustine to Elie Wisel,” your
hapless opponent lacks the standing
to engage such lofty conceits as
human suffering. They should shut
up and leave the real thinking to
those qualified by the right type and
degree of book learning.
Of course, being learned in the way
that merely enables to you point to
those more learned still, entails some
The God of Lisa Miller’s “scholars” is
an inscrutable sociopath who appears
could do perverse experiments on
them.
I’ll leave for the more learned to
decide whether Miller, in asserting
that Robertson’s is a fundamentalist
view, means that anyone who holds
such a view is necessarily a Fun-
damentalist. Capitalization aside, it’s
no stretch to conclude that she’s
talking about Big-F Fundamentalists,
like Pat Robertson and his millions of
enablers.
Miller’s rhetorical approach is to take
‘em to school, show ‘em up for a
bunch of ignorant, ill-read hicks. And
the way you argue with ig-norant
hicks is to start by letting them know
that you regard them as, well,
ignorant hicks. Attitude is everything.
Once you’ve got your re-spective
roles straight, it’s time to spring a
term on them that they are probably
not familiar with— just to scare ‘em
(theodicy, for ex-ample). Then
explain it to ‘em. Even the very
backward know when they’re being
condescended to.
Having established your rung relative
to theirs in the social and intellectual
hierarchy, summon forth the great
thinkers on the subject at hand; the
gist being, absent a thorough
grounding in “centuries of theological
discourse on suffering by thinkers
from Augustine to Elie Wisel,” your
hapless opponent lacks the standing
to engage such lofty conceits as
human suffering. They should shut
up and leave the real thinking to
those qualified by the right type and
degree of book learning.
Of course, being learned in the way
that merely enables to you point to
those more learned still, entails some
Robertson Bashing Reaches
New Levels Among Godly
New Levels Among Godly
In Wake of Disaster, "Theodicy"
Replaces "Legalistic" As Term
Most Overused by Theists.
Replaces "Legalistic" As Term
Most Overused by Theists.
From Page 1
There are some passages in Patriarchs and
Penises that might well have been coined for
the express purpose of responding to the
epidemic of B's sticking up for God in the
aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti, explain-
ing to the rest of us how he isn't as much of
an asshole as would seem apparent.
"The day after Pap got snake-bit and died
because nobody would take him to the
hospital, I asked my mother why God just
stood there without doing anything. She
referred me to Chapter 2, verse 4, of Paul’s
First Letter to the Corinthians: But the natural
man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of
God, for they are foolishness unto him.
Neither can he know them. Because they are
spiritually discerned.
"People have been making excuses for God
ever since Abraham first concocted him out of
such other gods as were handy in that part of
the Mideast four thousand years ago. Look at
the number of books that purport to explain
why God allows bad things to happen. And
this has going on since day one.
"And we can’t hope to understand except
through spiritual discernment. So God really
has a plan. We just don’t get how God, in his
great wisdom, operates. All the most horrific
things you can imagine, they’re all part of the
plan. So relax. God’s on top of it. That shit
was thin when I was a boy and it’s plumb
wore out now.
"When I first heard that there was an entire
field of theology called apologetics I naturally
assumed that it had been set up to deal with
the problem of why God is such an asshole
and why anybody with a conscience wouldn’t
want to avoid him like one the plagues he
enjoys visiting upon his children. But no,
apologetics is about defending God’s
existence, rather than getting him to say he’s
sorry. Of course, if you can’t even establish
There are some passages in Patriarchs and
Penises that might well have been coined for
the express purpose of responding to the
epidemic of B's sticking up for God in the
aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti, explain-
ing to the rest of us how he isn't as much of
an asshole as would seem apparent.
"The day after Pap got snake-bit and died
because nobody would take him to the
hospital, I asked my mother why God just
stood there without doing anything. She
referred me to Chapter 2, verse 4, of Paul’s
First Letter to the Corinthians: But the natural
man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of
God, for they are foolishness unto him.
Neither can he know them. Because they are
spiritually discerned.
"People have been making excuses for God
ever since Abraham first concocted him out of
such other gods as were handy in that part of
the Mideast four thousand years ago. Look at
the number of books that purport to explain
why God allows bad things to happen. And
this has going on since day one.
"And we can’t hope to understand except
through spiritual discernment. So God really
has a plan. We just don’t get how God, in his
great wisdom, operates. All the most horrific
things you can imagine, they’re all part of the
plan. So relax. God’s on top of it. That shit
was thin when I was a boy and it’s plumb
wore out now.
"When I first heard that there was an entire
field of theology called apologetics I naturally
assumed that it had been set up to deal with
the problem of why God is such an asshole
and why anybody with a conscience wouldn’t
want to avoid him like one the plagues he
enjoys visiting upon his children. But no,
apologetics is about defending God’s
existence, rather than getting him to say he’s
sorry. Of course, if you can’t even establish
Convicted Terrorist Scott Roeder Threatens to
Shoot God over "Unborn Lives Lost in Haiti"
Shoot God over "Unborn Lives Lost in Haiti"
that he’s there, you can’t expect anybody to
take any of the other stuff very seriously.
"You need you some faith. And the Gospel
According to Benjamin Franklin says, “The
wayto see by faith is to shut the eye of
reason.” Good point, Brother Ben. Cause if
you got faith, what do you want with
reason? The Gospel according Merriam-
Webster says, “Faith is firm belief in
somethingfor which there is no proof.” If you
got proof, you don’t need faith. That doesn’t
stop some of the faithful from trying to prove
God’s existence.
"Apologetics grew up around trying to explain
belief in God in ways rational people could
listen to without busting out laughing. As the
Gospel According to H.L. Mencken put it,
trying to explain the unknowable in terms of
the not worth knowing. Sorry’s got nothing
to do with it. God’s not sorry. He’s just
mean.
"Setting aside whether God is too cruel or
lazy or disengaged to bother protecting his
children from harm, you’re still left with all this
stuff that you might as well not even try to
understand, since you can’t get there
through reason. That’s always struck me as a
sure recipe for a spiritual discernment pissing
contest in which each believer says his
revelation trumps his sister’s or brother’s.
'God showed me.'
'No, he showed me, asslick.'"
"So I tried to get my Cousin Palmer, he’s my
Uncle John Wesley’s middle boy, and was
attending Roberts Oral University at the time,
to admit that the god he worshipped was a
limited one, a god-lite, some kind of little old
low-fat god, since God either has all the
power or he doesn’t. That switch is on or it’s
off. There is no third position. The best
Palmer could come up with was that God
gave humans enough free will to decide for
themselves whether to accept him or not,
and how to behave. But he was still
omnipotent.
"When I pointed out to Palmer that he was
as good as saying that God is only relatively
omnipotent, he just said he’d pray for me.
And I still did not slap that boy."
take any of the other stuff very seriously.
"You need you some faith. And the Gospel
According to Benjamin Franklin says, “The
wayto see by faith is to shut the eye of
reason.” Good point, Brother Ben. Cause if
you got faith, what do you want with
reason? The Gospel according Merriam-
Webster says, “Faith is firm belief in
somethingfor which there is no proof.” If you
got proof, you don’t need faith. That doesn’t
stop some of the faithful from trying to prove
God’s existence.
"Apologetics grew up around trying to explain
belief in God in ways rational people could
listen to without busting out laughing. As the
Gospel According to H.L. Mencken put it,
trying to explain the unknowable in terms of
the not worth knowing. Sorry’s got nothing
to do with it. God’s not sorry. He’s just
mean.
"Setting aside whether God is too cruel or
lazy or disengaged to bother protecting his
children from harm, you’re still left with all this
stuff that you might as well not even try to
understand, since you can’t get there
through reason. That’s always struck me as a
sure recipe for a spiritual discernment pissing
contest in which each believer says his
revelation trumps his sister’s or brother’s.
'God showed me.'
'No, he showed me, asslick.'"
"So I tried to get my Cousin Palmer, he’s my
Uncle John Wesley’s middle boy, and was
attending Roberts Oral University at the time,
to admit that the god he worshipped was a
limited one, a god-lite, some kind of little old
low-fat god, since God either has all the
power or he doesn’t. That switch is on or it’s
off. There is no third position. The best
Palmer could come up with was that God
gave humans enough free will to decide for
themselves whether to accept him or not,
and how to behave. But he was still
omnipotent.
"When I pointed out to Palmer that he was
as good as saying that God is only relatively
omnipotent, he just said he’d pray for me.
And I still did not slap that boy."
Main Entry: the·od·i·cy
Pronunciation: \thē-ˈä-də-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural the·od·i·cies
Etymology: modification of French théodicée, from
théo- the- (from Latin theo-) + Greek dikē
judgment, right — more at diction
Date: 1797
: defense of why God is such an asshole.
Pronunciation: \thē-ˈä-də-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural the·od·i·cies
Etymology: modification of French théodicée, from
théo- the- (from Latin theo-) + Greek dikē
judgment, right — more at diction
Date: 1797
: defense of why God is such an asshole.
"Newsweek's Lisa Miller
joins Pat "Oral" Robertson
in the ranks of Theists I’m
Glad I Do Not Know"
joins Pat "Oral" Robertson
in the ranks of Theists I’m
Glad I Do Not Know"
Evangelist Changes First
Name to Oral In Tribute to
"Spiritual Uncle Figure,"
Denies Double Entendre
Name to Oral In Tribute to
"Spiritual Uncle Figure,"
Denies Double Entendre
Todd: “I have been on
assignment from the
Pentagon providing
these Bibles since July
Ozark Evangelist Cecil
of 2003!"
assignment from the
Pentagon providing
these Bibles since July
Ozark Evangelist Cecil
of 2003!"
"Thus far, over 125,000 Bibles
have been given to our troops
serving in Iraq.”
have been given to our troops
serving in Iraq.”
Brother Cecil (left) with Tony Orlando
Get it?
The Todd’s, Cecil & Linda, (sic) are now on
a big push to provide Bibles for 40,000 more
deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. The
Bibles cost only $4.00 each to print. It is the
full Bible, in camouflaged military colors, with
pictures and special helps for the servicemen
and women. This Bible is the only one
designed and authorized by the Pentagon
Chaplains and air-lifted by military transport
straight to our soldiers, serving in Iraq.
Revival Fires Ministry Press Release
a big push to provide Bibles for 40,000 more
deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. The
Bibles cost only $4.00 each to print. It is the
full Bible, in camouflaged military colors, with
pictures and special helps for the servicemen
and women. This Bible is the only one
designed and authorized by the Pentagon
Chaplains and air-lifted by military transport
straight to our soldiers, serving in Iraq.
Revival Fires Ministry Press Release
The Curriculum
At it again?
Explains Monsignor Slawomir Oder, who's in
charge of advancing JPII's canonization,
"It (self-flagellation) is an instrument of
Christian perfection." According to the AP:
"Oder (writes) that John Paul II frequently
denied himself food - especially during the
holy season of Lent - and 'frequently spent
the night on the bare floor,' messing up his
bed in the morning so he wouldn't draw
attention to his act of penitence."
The story notes that the Pope used a
special belt which he carried with him for
the express purpose of whacking himself,
which he often did in his armoire, "amid all
the vestments and hanging on a hanger,
was a belt which he used as a whip and
which he always brought to Castel
Gan-dolfo," the papal retreat where John
Paul vacationed each summer."
charge of advancing JPII's canonization,
"It (self-flagellation) is an instrument of
Christian perfection." According to the AP:
"Oder (writes) that John Paul II frequently
denied himself food - especially during the
holy season of Lent - and 'frequently spent
the night on the bare floor,' messing up his
bed in the morning so he wouldn't draw
attention to his act of penitence."
The story notes that the Pope used a
special belt which he carried with him for
the express purpose of whacking himself,
which he often did in his armoire, "amid all
the vestments and hanging on a hanger,
was a belt which he used as a whip and
which he always brought to Castel
Gan-dolfo," the papal retreat where John
Paul vacationed each summer."
"Why He's a Saint" Shines Light
on Late Pontiff's Proclivities
on Late Pontiff's Proclivities
"That's right, my child. Drink the nice Kool-Aid."