Main Entry: athe·ist
Pronunciation: \ˈā-thē-ist\
Function: noun
Date: 1551
: one who believes that there is no deity
Pronunciation: \ˈā-thē-ist\
Function: noun
Date: 1551
: one who believes that there is no deity
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EXMAS CARDS
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*Guaranteed, no less than $21 bucks worth of BS on every page
You got a coworker or fellow student who won't shut
up about God? Or some pesky self-anointed guardian
of public morality who's getting on everybody's
nerves? Now calling down an impossible-to-ignore
message from On High is as simple as filling in a form
and forking over twenty dollars.
up about God? Or some pesky self-anointed guardian
of public morality who's getting on everybody's
nerves? Now calling down an impossible-to-ignore
message from On High is as simple as filling in a form
and forking over twenty dollars.
Had it up to fucking here with somebody?
Turn Brother Sam loose on 'em.
Turn Brother Sam loose on 'em.
Pining for a heartfelt endorsement?
Could you use a highly favorable review?
Vente dólares.
(Of course Brother Sam will not actually see, read,
hear, taste, or touch whatever it is he's reviewing.)
(Of course Brother Sam will not actually see, read,
hear, taste, or touch whatever it is he's reviewing.)
Twenty bucks.
Cross Brother Sam's palm with a double sawbuck and
watch your beloved's underpants ignite with passion.
watch your beloved's underpants ignite with passion.
The Best $20 Bucks
You Ever Spent.*
You Ever Spent.*
Desperate to express your secret ardor?
Fill in the blanks and get Brother Sam started.
Within 48 hours you'll get an email draft. Make
any corrections, return the draft, and chances are
your letter go out in the next day's mail.
Within 48 hours you'll get an email draft. Make
any corrections, return the draft, and chances are
your letter go out in the next day's mail.
When it comes to letter writing, the Apostle Paul ain't
got shit on Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis.
got shit on Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis.
An identical copy will be mailed to you. Both letters will
be printed on official Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist
letterhead, hand signed by Brother Sam himself, and
mailed in an official Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist
business-sized envelope affixed with a first-class stamp.
be printed on official Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist
letterhead, hand signed by Brother Sam himself, and
mailed in an official Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist
business-sized envelope affixed with a first-class stamp.
IN CASE YOU'RE REALLY STUPID:
Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist, AKA Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis, is not an attorney or collection agent. He does not send harassing or
threatening letters, nor does he engage in any sort of correspondence of a legal or quasi-legal nature. Letters by Sam Singleton are intended as
humorous writings, absent any serious nature whatsoever. Sam Singleton does not endorse, advertise, or shill products, services, or causes.
Inquiries regarding endorsements, advertising, or shilling products, services, or causes should be directed to Ruby Brown at Dogberry, Bottom and
Sly LLC, because with Brother Sam you never know. Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist, AKA Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis, reserves the
right to decline any offer for any reason.
Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist, AKA Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis, is not an attorney or collection agent. He does not send harassing or
threatening letters, nor does he engage in any sort of correspondence of a legal or quasi-legal nature. Letters by Sam Singleton are intended as
humorous writings, absent any serious nature whatsoever. Sam Singleton does not endorse, advertise, or shill products, services, or causes.
Inquiries regarding endorsements, advertising, or shilling products, services, or causes should be directed to Ruby Brown at Dogberry, Bottom and
Sly LLC, because with Brother Sam you never know. Sam Singleton Atheist Evangelist, AKA Sam Singleton, Scribe and Amanuensis, reserves the
right to decline any offer for any reason.
1
Inside
Address
Address
2
3
Body
4
Closing
5
Address on
Envelope
Envelope
7
Your
Address
Address
Render Unto
Brother Sam
Brother Sam
Optional
| Add a subject line if you want |
8
SUBMIT
Salutation
6
evangelical where you work who has
turned her cubicle into a goddamn
reliquary of Bible-verse posters and
nasty little religious figurines. And you
can’t walk by without having to choke
back the urge to upchuck your fried
baloney breakfast wrap all over her
plaster praying-hands statue.
Or there’s somebody at school whom you find
pretty goddamn appealing in ways Brother Sam
need not know about, but you’d like to get a read-
ing vis-à-vis belief in supernatural beings before you
just walk right up and ask for sex. Can’t nobody ad-
minister a twenty dollar inquiry into the state of
one’s grip on reality like Brother Sam. Very subtle
and smooth. CONTINUED BELOW
turned her cubicle into a goddamn
reliquary of Bible-verse posters and
nasty little religious figurines. And you
can’t walk by without having to choke
back the urge to upchuck your fried
baloney breakfast wrap all over her
plaster praying-hands statue.
Or there’s somebody at school whom you find
pretty goddamn appealing in ways Brother Sam
need not know about, but you’d like to get a read-
ing vis-à-vis belief in supernatural beings before you
just walk right up and ask for sex. Can’t nobody ad-
minister a twenty dollar inquiry into the state of
one’s grip on reality like Brother Sam. Very subtle
and smooth. CONTINUED BELOW
Or maybe what’s needed is a John Alden to your Miles Standish (But Brother Sam will not pull the old switcheroo and run off with your
Priscilla). Or how about a Cyrano de Bergerac to your Christian?
Or what if you still haven’t finished, hell, you’ve barely even started, that supposedly life-changing project you’ve been blabbing about
for years? And the likelihood that you’ll never finish it doesn’t mitigate your deep need to be lavished with praise for your efforts.
Brother Sam will slobber all over you (literarily speaking) for twenty dollars. You may even feel like you’re not such a lazy unfocused
loser after all.
Or it could be that your experimental dance project is fixing to print up a bunch of flyers and you lack the pithy blurb that proclaims
the production’s excellence in advance of anyone actually having seen it. Once the public gets a load of Brother Sam’s twenty-dollar
thumbnail review, they may well nominate you for something. Sure, there's an asterisk on there someplace in very tiny letters; but
what the hell? Nobody reads the small print anyway.
All of these scenarios, though wildly different, are amenable to the same solution: a well-crafted, thoughtful, letter from an objective
yet unimpeachable (dare one say estimable?) third party. And as parties go, ain’t nobody more third than Brother Sam.
Whatever the occasion, even if it happens to be securing for yourself and your posterity a memento of your style and good taste, not
to mention a collectable that one day might cause a fat guy in Bermuda shorts and black socks to crap himself on Antiques Roadshow,
Priscilla). Or how about a Cyrano de Bergerac to your Christian?
Or what if you still haven’t finished, hell, you’ve barely even started, that supposedly life-changing project you’ve been blabbing about
for years? And the likelihood that you’ll never finish it doesn’t mitigate your deep need to be lavished with praise for your efforts.
Brother Sam will slobber all over you (literarily speaking) for twenty dollars. You may even feel like you’re not such a lazy unfocused
loser after all.
Or it could be that your experimental dance project is fixing to print up a bunch of flyers and you lack the pithy blurb that proclaims
the production’s excellence in advance of anyone actually having seen it. Once the public gets a load of Brother Sam’s twenty-dollar
thumbnail review, they may well nominate you for something. Sure, there's an asterisk on there someplace in very tiny letters; but
what the hell? Nobody reads the small print anyway.
All of these scenarios, though wildly different, are amenable to the same solution: a well-crafted, thoughtful, letter from an objective
yet unimpeachable (dare one say estimable?) third party. And as parties go, ain’t nobody more third than Brother Sam.
Whatever the occasion, even if it happens to be securing for yourself and your posterity a memento of your style and good taste, not
to mention a collectable that one day might cause a fat guy in Bermuda shorts and black socks to crap himself on Antiques Roadshow,
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